New Narrative - Sharing Stories

One of the things I love the most about my family is the way in which we share stories. Jennifer, Rory, Sheri, my mother and I can sit around for hours telling the same old stories over again and again.

Story telling is how we honor the legacies of those who have gone before us.

Story telling is how we learn more about our heritage.
Story telling is how we discover who we are.

I often hear people say that they are afraid to talk to much about their past or their family's history because they are afraid it will color the present or the future too much. There is a fear that somehow sharing these stories will inflict or infect our children and give them all of the wrong ideas. However, nothing could be further from the truth.

We must have the courage to tell the stories...

These stories can help inform us about our past.

These stories can help us figure out our own identity.

These stories can serve as cautionary tales of paths to avoid along the way.

These stories can serve as encouragement about how to overcome adversity.

I believe that stories are one of the best ways to create a new narrative that is rich and full of hope. They are an invaluable piece of life, and we must have the courage to share our stories with one another.

So, tonight, this weekend, sometime in the near future, when your family is gathered together, take the opportunity to say...

"Have I ever told you about this one time when..."

Even if you have told the story before, tell it again. In so doing, you are helping to create a new narrative.

Happy storytelling!

New Narrative - Three Things

In the quest to provide a new narrative for our children, I believe there are three things we can constantly speak into their lives no matter where we find ourselves or what our family circumstance might be. These three things may appear rather simple on the surface. However, they can prove to be a lifeline to a young person who is struggling with their personhood and the negative narratives that play over and over in their ears and mind.

1. "I believe in you." This is not only a statement of confidence in the person who is standing in front of you, it is also a statement about who that person is becoming. Saying this is not saying anything about someone's behavior or the quality of their choices. "I believe in you" can be spoken regardless of the circumstance. This is a statement about personhood. "I believe in the who you are." It is also a call for the one to whom you are speaking to accept the challenge to live into the person you see them to be.

2. "I trust you." At times, this is a more difficult phrase to speak. This is especially true when trust has been broken or a violation has taken place. However, if we can once again speak more into personhood rather than actions, our trust means more than "I trust that you will make the right choice." In this instance, "I trust you" is about trusting someone with their own being. Again, this is not about the approval or disapproval of behavior. We all must face and handle negative behavior and poor choices as each circumstance merits. The "I trust you" statement is an in spite of statement. Young people need to hear that they are trusted with their own personhood. Ultimately, they are responsible for the person they are going to become. The "I trust you" statement is telling a young person that you believe that they can indeed be trusted with the becoming.

3. "I love you." We all need to be reminded that we are loved no matter what. In my experience working with students, I can tell you that there are times when nearly every young person wonders if they are indeed worthy of love. It is critical that we remind the young people in our lives that they are indeed loved. They need to know that the love of which we speak is not tied to performance or ability. The love of which we are speaking is a covenental love - a love that is committed to the person and our relationship with them. Young people need to know that a love like this is not going anywhere. Their bad choices, the consequences of those choices, their faults and foibles will not change the fact that they are loved.

These three things can be formative and transformative in the lives of the young people with whom we interact. Remind the young people in your life of these three things as often as you can. In so doing, these three things can become a part of the new narrative that plays over and over in the ears and minds of our children.

Three things will always be true...
I believe in you
I trust you.
I love you.

New Narrative - The Courage to Persevere

I love Christmas music. I love to sing along loudly in the car, in my home or even occasionally in the aisles of Target (yes, I really do it!). The music brings back so many fun memories of Christmases past - family, friends, gifts, reunions, lights, decorations, etc.

One of the memories that often comes flooding into my mind is of singing in our high school's annual Christmas Extravaganza concert. Christmas Ex, as it was lovingly called, was the big winter concert in which every singing group in our school participated. It was a ton of fun to learn the holiday music and put together such a wonderful holiday show for our small community. One of the best things about this show was participating in Choral Union. Choral Union was a combined choir of all of the choral students (literally hundreds) gathered to sing two or three holiday songs together at the close of the show. As someone who sang bass in high school, two Choral Union pieces stand out in my mind - "Carol of the Bells" and "Little Drummer Boy". The bass part is distinct in both pieces. In "Carol of the Bells" the basses get to do some fun stuff along the way. In "Little Drummer Boy" the bass line is monotonous and perpetual. Both were fun, and I remember the bass part even to this day.

As a part of the whole the basses are generally not recognized. Because of this, singing bass can often be thankless and somewhat tiring. However, if the basses were to be removed from either piece mentioned above, the song would not be the same. It would not be complete because its foundation would be missing.

Speaking a new narrative into the lives of the young people in your life is much like singing bass in the choir. It often goes unnoticed and can be rather monotonous and somewhat tiring. However, if this bass line were to be removed or was missing from the lives of young people altogether, everything else would be at risk of collapsing in upon itself. Speaking a new narrative takes the courage to persevere even when it seems as though the battle is futile or all but lost.

My brother had an incredibly difficult time in his late teens and early twenties. It would not be an overstatement to say that my family almost lost him more than once during those years. Years later, we were having a conversation with my parents and I remember him telling them, "If it weren't for the fact that I knew my family loved me, I would not be here today. I would have given up. I can't tell you how much it meant and still means to me that I am loved." My parents fought long and hard to continue to speak a new narrative into my brother's life in spite of the surrounding circumstances. They often did not approve of his behavior or decisions, but they always let him know that he was loved - no matter what.

The new narrative cannot take a break any more than the basses can decide to take a portion of a song off. This new narrative is the foundation upon which the beautiful song of a life can be built. It is worth the struggle to persevere.

Know that you are not alone. Find other parents who are also committed to speaking a new narrative into the lives of young people. Band with them. Support one another. Encourage the effort extended. Persevere.

Our young people need us to continue to lay down the foundation of love and acceptance upon which the song of their life can soar.

New Narrative - The Power of Words

Remember the old adage,
Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But words
Will never hurt me

It is a lie. It is a bold faced lie, and we all know it.

Words have the power to not only injure, but also to destroy. These words that have such destructive power are a part of the negative narrative that many young people hear each and every day.

The good news is that words also have the power to heal, and also to build. Simple words have such incredible power. Words such as these are a part of the new narrative which we can begin to speak into the lives of the young people with whom we live.

After we have taken the time and energy to create a safe space for our children to genuinely be themselves (see New Narrative - Voices and Images), new words - a new narrative - can be spoken into the space. Be aware, this new space is fragile. It is a space that must be honored and handled with care. It is a space that is open to the possibility of something new. Into this wonderful space, into the life of the young person, speak genuine words of hope and promise. How? You can begin by saying something like...
"Do you want to know what I love about you..."
"When I look at you I see..."
"You know what I think are some of your most amazing qualities..."

Be genuine.

Speak directly.

Speak honestly.

Tell them why you think the things you think about them. These words are a part of the new narrative. By speaking new words into their life, you are helping them to see that which is wonderful about them. You are changing the words they hear and clearing their eyes to be able to see something new - to hear and see a new narrative into which they can live.

Next week - New Narrative - The Courage to Persevere.

New Narrative - Voices and Images

She hears the voices ringing in her ears...
"You will never fit in."
"I can't believe you would wear that."
"You aren't very pretty."
"Why can't you do better than that?"
"You are fat."

When he stands in front of the mirror he sees...
a failure,
an awkward castoff,
someone who will never be good enough,
a chubby wannabe,
a coward.

Whether these voices and images are real or figments of a wild imagination doesn't matter. The reality is that young people everywhere, even those who seem to have it all together, daily deal with such negative narratives playing in seemingly endless loops in their minds. These negative voices and thoughts can become overwhelming and all-consuming. It doesn't take long before one begins to believe the voices they hear and the images the see staring back at them. It is easy to fall victim to believing their message.

A necessary step in providing a new narrative is acknowledging the fact that the negative narratives exist. Giving young people the space to talk openly about their anxieties centered around appearance, performance and social standing is important.
In creating a safe space for these ideas to be shared, the door is opened for a new narrative to be created. Care must be taken to neither minimize the way a young person is feeling or interrupt them along the way to self-disclosure. Stay in the space with them (as painful as that may be). Allow them to cry or shout or just be silent. The value of this time cannot be overemphasized and can be the beginning of the new narrative. Your presence and willingness to listen to their heart will speak volumes about their worth.

The new narrative begins with a safe space to genuinely be oneself. If we are intentional about it, we can help create such a space for the young people in our lives.

New Narrative - The Fight Against Bullying

It is no secret.  Bullying is a huge problem.  It seems as though there is a new story about a tragic end to bullying every other week. Something must be done to end this cycle. I am convinced that we all can play a part. We will never be able to make bullying stop completely - it grows from the bully's insecurities and struggles. However, we can empower young people to say no to the lies and fables the bullies perpetuate. I believe that this can begin with speaking a "new narrative" into the lives of the young people with whom we interact.

A narrative is a story, a tale, a recollection or a recounting - whether true or fictitious. Many young people hear or experience only negative narratives about their lives. They hear others say or behave in such a way that suggests that they are a waste of time, space and oxygen.

It is time to speak a new narrative of acceptance, love and challenge into the lives of young people everywhere and to live in such a way that our actions match our words.

Over the next few weeks, I will be writing about how we can begin to be proactive about speaking a new narrative into the lives of those aruond us.

Your thoughts and comments are welcome.

Discipleship - Fall Retreat - November 5-6

We had an amazing fall retreat the weekend of November 5-6.  The weather couldn't have been better and the students were outstanding.

We spent the weekend around the theme of discipleship.  Psalm 1 and a wide variety of other texts were our focus.

On Saturday night we defined discipleship. On Sunday morning, we discussed what discipleship looks like in the lives of those we consider to be people of faith. On Sunday afternoon, we discovered how we might plant the seeds of discipleship in our world and in the lives of those around us.

Throughout the retreat we constructed three "discipleship trees." We added leaves that represented the names and lives of those whom we consider to be disciples. We then added seeds to represent the seeds of discipleship that we hope to plant.

Ask your student who they see as examples of discipleship in their lives and why they consider these people to be disciples. Share your own examples of discipleship from your life.

Then share with one another what characteristics of discipleship you hope to develop in your own lives.

Look for information regarding our winter retreats coming soon.
Click here for a photo album of our retreat.