New Narrative - Praying Life Together

One of my friends and colleagues in ministry once said, "One of the most powerful things for a child's faith development is for them to see their parents praying."

I wholeheartedly agree. I would only add to it by saying that it is even more powerful when children and their parent(s) pray together.

One of the recurring memories of my childhood is evening prayer time with my parents. Every evening, we would gather in one of the bedrooms (I have an older brother and an older sister) to pray together. The prayers were often simple and rather quick, but they always happened. And I couldn't go to sleep without them. Every night, our prayers would end with us reciting the Lord's Prayer together. This continued all the way through my teenage years. And this evening discipline continues on into my family to this day.

More important than the actual evening ritual of praying together is the discipline of praying life together as a family. Consider what might happen as a family prays together.
Each one hears the concerns of the other.
Each family member has the opportunity to be thankful for the ones praying with them.
Each child and their parents has the chance to speak the prayer requests and concerns of the other.

Each one is reminded that prayer is not just something we do by ourselves and for ourselves - prayer is a communal exercise.

Take the opportunity during Lent to pray together as a family. Perhaps you already do this and can try some new prayer exercises together. Or maybe you have fallen out of the habit of praying together, and this can be a season to experiment with prayer together as a family.

Here are some simple prayer exercises you might try together:

• Create a prayer space in your house or yard where you can gather as a family on a regular basis to pray together. You don't have to do any redecorating or reorganizing. Simply think through your home and what space might be most conducive to prayer together.
• Place a prayer jar in the kitchen with small strips of paper and a pen beside it. Encourage family members to write down their prayers and joys once a day or once a week and place them in the jar. Then someone can retrieve the jar and its contents before breakfast or dinner and the family can pray the requests together.
• Write one another a note once a week that contains your prayer concerns and joys. Trade them with family members so that you might be praying for each other throughout the week.
• Ask your child(ren) for their ideas about praying together as a family. They will come up with the most creative approaches to this important faith discipline. 
• HAVE FUN! Remember, all things can be and should be prayer - our work, our play, our lives.

Praying life together can indeed be a new narrative full of compassion, empathy, concern and shared joy with one another.

Throughout the next several weeks, we will be looking at integrating some of the disciplines into our family life together and how these might shape the New Narrative into which we can live. 

New Narrative - Ashes, Dust, and Mortality

Wednesday, February 22 was Ash Wednesday. Many of us gathered in the sanctuary at Second Presbyterian Church, and churches around the world, to hear the Word of God proclaimed, to partake in the sacrament of the Lord's Supper, and to be marked on our foreheads with ashes. 

It is a strangely wonderful sight to see pilgrims of all ages, sizes, and hues waiting in line to receive the mark of the cross in ash and to be reminded of their frailty and mortality. The minister drags her thumb through the ashes, looks each person in the eye as she gently traces the cross on their forehead, and says, "Remember, that from dust you were formed; to dust you shall return."

Yes, what a strangely wonderful site.

This message is a message of truth and a dose of reality we all need to hear and experience. This is especially true in a time when we spend so much energy, imagination, and money trying to convince ourselves that it just isn't so. If we work hard enough, if we pay enough money, if we do all the right things we will never have to face the fact that we are indeed frail, broken, and mortal. This is the message we are tempted to buy into so we don't have to face the truth.

In Lent, we are called to remember the truth of our mortality and take comfort in the fact that in the midst of the reality of our lives, in the midst of our deserts, God is present. God calls us, through the Christ, to accept our mortality not as a curse, but as a blessing of who we are created to be. It is in the desert of Lent that we are reminded that it is God who sustains life. It is in the wilderness that we discover that the things to which we are tempted to cling so tightly are only temporal treasures. It is during these long 40 days that we can find joy in the treasures that are eternal "where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal" (Matthew 6:20).

This Ash Wednesday, a family stood in line to receive the reminder on their foreheads in the form of an ashen cross like so many others. However, this family was different. What made this family stand out from the many others standing with them was the child they held in their arms. This mother and father came to not only to be marked but to present their six month old child to have the ashes placed on her forehead. This beautiful young life had the truth of her own mortality whispered into her ears and rubbed on her pink skin.

It was a powerful scene. It was an overwhelming a reminder that it is never too early to be reminded of the truth of the fragility of life and the sustaining power and presence of God.

Take the opportunity during this season of Lent to have these conversations with your young person. Talk about the fragility of life. Talk about human frailty and brokenness. Talk about the sustaining power of Christ in the midst of the reality of life. Talk about this truly counter cutlural message of the desert of life and the journey toward the cross. This is a new narrative. Discover together the beauty of this 40 day journey.

May this Lenten Season be a journey of faith for you and your family.

New Narrative - The Art of Being

In our culture, we have mastered the art of doing.

Just look at our schedules. They are overflowing with things we need to do...
Pick up the laundry;
Go to the store;

Clean the mud room;

Meet with so and so;

Do such and such.

The list seems to go on and on. And we meet ourselves coming and going.

The lives of our children are much the same...

Study for the test;

Pick up my room;

Go to the gym;

Read for English;

Meet so and so;

Do such and such.

Schedules and agendas are a part of life. They are necessary. They keep us organized and focused.

The struggle is when our schedules begin to crowd out living our lives.
The problem is when doing gets in the way of being.

When we go on retreats with students from Second Presbyterian Church, we always build "free time" into the schedule. Every retreat several students approach one of the adult leaders and ask, "What are we supposed to do now?"
We are often greeted with a blank stare when we respond, "Go, have free time. Be with one another. Do whatever you want."
The young people have become so adept at doing that they have forgotten how to be. The same can be said for many of us (present company included).

So, here is a challenge. Sometime this month, plan a day or half of a day when you can just "be" together.
No plans.
No schedule.
No agenda.
Just be.

Practicing the Art of Being is a New Narrative in a world that is so concerned and consumed with "doing."

Have fun discovering what it means to "be" together.

New Narrative - Positive Risk Taking

Part of being a teenager is taking risks.

Risk taking gives an adrenaline rush.

Risk taking is a way of testing limits.

Risk taking can help teens discover who they are.

Often the risks are rather innocuous...

Trying a new food or learning a new instrument.

Signing up to participate in the local talent show.

Asking out that guy/girl to whom you always thought you would never have the courage to speak.

Other times, the risks are indeed "risky" behavior that can prove to be very dangerous and perhaps even life altering...
Taking your hands off of the wheel while driving at a high rate of speed.
Putting the pair of socks in your backpack without paying for them.
Saying yes "just this once" to that which you had always turned down.

Part of being a teenager is taking risks. Young people may believe that risk taking is a necessary part of growing up.  They may feel as though risk taking is the only way to really feel alive.

As parents and mentors, we can provide the opportunity for our children to take "positive risks" that can feed the desire, the felt need, to take risks. These truly can be alternatives to the negative and potentially life altering risks that young people often are tempted take.

Positive Risk Taking -
Take a mystery trip...
Allow your children to plan a family vacation (within given parameters - budget, distance, time, etc.)...
Go to a high ropes challenge course or fly on a zipline together (there are several of both in the state)...
Volunteer at the zoo or a local animal shelter...
Read stories or the newspaper to nursing home residents...

Serve lunch at Wheeler or Lighthouse Mission...

Become regulars at an after school program for at risk children...

Plan a family mission trip (you don't have to go far or spend a lot of money - call us; we have plenty of ideas)...

These may not completely eliminate the pull toward truly risky behavior. However, these positive risks can provide a healthy alternative and most definitely will create lasting family memories.

Have fun taking risks together.

New Narrative - Sharing Stories

One of the things I love the most about my family is the way in which we share stories. Jennifer, Rory, Sheri, my mother and I can sit around for hours telling the same old stories over again and again.

Story telling is how we honor the legacies of those who have gone before us.

Story telling is how we learn more about our heritage.
Story telling is how we discover who we are.

I often hear people say that they are afraid to talk to much about their past or their family's history because they are afraid it will color the present or the future too much. There is a fear that somehow sharing these stories will inflict or infect our children and give them all of the wrong ideas. However, nothing could be further from the truth.

We must have the courage to tell the stories...

These stories can help inform us about our past.

These stories can help us figure out our own identity.

These stories can serve as cautionary tales of paths to avoid along the way.

These stories can serve as encouragement about how to overcome adversity.

I believe that stories are one of the best ways to create a new narrative that is rich and full of hope. They are an invaluable piece of life, and we must have the courage to share our stories with one another.

So, tonight, this weekend, sometime in the near future, when your family is gathered together, take the opportunity to say...

"Have I ever told you about this one time when..."

Even if you have told the story before, tell it again. In so doing, you are helping to create a new narrative.

Happy storytelling!

New Narrative - Three Things

In the quest to provide a new narrative for our children, I believe there are three things we can constantly speak into their lives no matter where we find ourselves or what our family circumstance might be. These three things may appear rather simple on the surface. However, they can prove to be a lifeline to a young person who is struggling with their personhood and the negative narratives that play over and over in their ears and mind.

1. "I believe in you." This is not only a statement of confidence in the person who is standing in front of you, it is also a statement about who that person is becoming. Saying this is not saying anything about someone's behavior or the quality of their choices. "I believe in you" can be spoken regardless of the circumstance. This is a statement about personhood. "I believe in the who you are." It is also a call for the one to whom you are speaking to accept the challenge to live into the person you see them to be.

2. "I trust you." At times, this is a more difficult phrase to speak. This is especially true when trust has been broken or a violation has taken place. However, if we can once again speak more into personhood rather than actions, our trust means more than "I trust that you will make the right choice." In this instance, "I trust you" is about trusting someone with their own being. Again, this is not about the approval or disapproval of behavior. We all must face and handle negative behavior and poor choices as each circumstance merits. The "I trust you" statement is an in spite of statement. Young people need to hear that they are trusted with their own personhood. Ultimately, they are responsible for the person they are going to become. The "I trust you" statement is telling a young person that you believe that they can indeed be trusted with the becoming.

3. "I love you." We all need to be reminded that we are loved no matter what. In my experience working with students, I can tell you that there are times when nearly every young person wonders if they are indeed worthy of love. It is critical that we remind the young people in our lives that they are indeed loved. They need to know that the love of which we speak is not tied to performance or ability. The love of which we are speaking is a covenental love - a love that is committed to the person and our relationship with them. Young people need to know that a love like this is not going anywhere. Their bad choices, the consequences of those choices, their faults and foibles will not change the fact that they are loved.

These three things can be formative and transformative in the lives of the young people with whom we interact. Remind the young people in your life of these three things as often as you can. In so doing, these three things can become a part of the new narrative that plays over and over in the ears and minds of our children.

Three things will always be true...
I believe in you
I trust you.
I love you.

New Narrative - The Courage to Persevere

I love Christmas music. I love to sing along loudly in the car, in my home or even occasionally in the aisles of Target (yes, I really do it!). The music brings back so many fun memories of Christmases past - family, friends, gifts, reunions, lights, decorations, etc.

One of the memories that often comes flooding into my mind is of singing in our high school's annual Christmas Extravaganza concert. Christmas Ex, as it was lovingly called, was the big winter concert in which every singing group in our school participated. It was a ton of fun to learn the holiday music and put together such a wonderful holiday show for our small community. One of the best things about this show was participating in Choral Union. Choral Union was a combined choir of all of the choral students (literally hundreds) gathered to sing two or three holiday songs together at the close of the show. As someone who sang bass in high school, two Choral Union pieces stand out in my mind - "Carol of the Bells" and "Little Drummer Boy". The bass part is distinct in both pieces. In "Carol of the Bells" the basses get to do some fun stuff along the way. In "Little Drummer Boy" the bass line is monotonous and perpetual. Both were fun, and I remember the bass part even to this day.

As a part of the whole the basses are generally not recognized. Because of this, singing bass can often be thankless and somewhat tiring. However, if the basses were to be removed from either piece mentioned above, the song would not be the same. It would not be complete because its foundation would be missing.

Speaking a new narrative into the lives of the young people in your life is much like singing bass in the choir. It often goes unnoticed and can be rather monotonous and somewhat tiring. However, if this bass line were to be removed or was missing from the lives of young people altogether, everything else would be at risk of collapsing in upon itself. Speaking a new narrative takes the courage to persevere even when it seems as though the battle is futile or all but lost.

My brother had an incredibly difficult time in his late teens and early twenties. It would not be an overstatement to say that my family almost lost him more than once during those years. Years later, we were having a conversation with my parents and I remember him telling them, "If it weren't for the fact that I knew my family loved me, I would not be here today. I would have given up. I can't tell you how much it meant and still means to me that I am loved." My parents fought long and hard to continue to speak a new narrative into my brother's life in spite of the surrounding circumstances. They often did not approve of his behavior or decisions, but they always let him know that he was loved - no matter what.

The new narrative cannot take a break any more than the basses can decide to take a portion of a song off. This new narrative is the foundation upon which the beautiful song of a life can be built. It is worth the struggle to persevere.

Know that you are not alone. Find other parents who are also committed to speaking a new narrative into the lives of young people. Band with them. Support one another. Encourage the effort extended. Persevere.

Our young people need us to continue to lay down the foundation of love and acceptance upon which the song of their life can soar.