New Narrative - The Power of Words

Remember the old adage,
Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But words
Will never hurt me

It is a lie. It is a bold faced lie, and we all know it.

Words have the power to not only injure, but also to destroy. These words that have such destructive power are a part of the negative narrative that many young people hear each and every day.

The good news is that words also have the power to heal, and also to build. Simple words have such incredible power. Words such as these are a part of the new narrative which we can begin to speak into the lives of the young people with whom we live.

After we have taken the time and energy to create a safe space for our children to genuinely be themselves (see New Narrative - Voices and Images), new words - a new narrative - can be spoken into the space. Be aware, this new space is fragile. It is a space that must be honored and handled with care. It is a space that is open to the possibility of something new. Into this wonderful space, into the life of the young person, speak genuine words of hope and promise. How? You can begin by saying something like...
"Do you want to know what I love about you..."
"When I look at you I see..."
"You know what I think are some of your most amazing qualities..."

Be genuine.

Speak directly.

Speak honestly.

Tell them why you think the things you think about them. These words are a part of the new narrative. By speaking new words into their life, you are helping them to see that which is wonderful about them. You are changing the words they hear and clearing their eyes to be able to see something new - to hear and see a new narrative into which they can live.

Next week - New Narrative - The Courage to Persevere.

New Narrative - Voices and Images

She hears the voices ringing in her ears...
"You will never fit in."
"I can't believe you would wear that."
"You aren't very pretty."
"Why can't you do better than that?"
"You are fat."

When he stands in front of the mirror he sees...
a failure,
an awkward castoff,
someone who will never be good enough,
a chubby wannabe,
a coward.

Whether these voices and images are real or figments of a wild imagination doesn't matter. The reality is that young people everywhere, even those who seem to have it all together, daily deal with such negative narratives playing in seemingly endless loops in their minds. These negative voices and thoughts can become overwhelming and all-consuming. It doesn't take long before one begins to believe the voices they hear and the images the see staring back at them. It is easy to fall victim to believing their message.

A necessary step in providing a new narrative is acknowledging the fact that the negative narratives exist. Giving young people the space to talk openly about their anxieties centered around appearance, performance and social standing is important.
In creating a safe space for these ideas to be shared, the door is opened for a new narrative to be created. Care must be taken to neither minimize the way a young person is feeling or interrupt them along the way to self-disclosure. Stay in the space with them (as painful as that may be). Allow them to cry or shout or just be silent. The value of this time cannot be overemphasized and can be the beginning of the new narrative. Your presence and willingness to listen to their heart will speak volumes about their worth.

The new narrative begins with a safe space to genuinely be oneself. If we are intentional about it, we can help create such a space for the young people in our lives.

New Narrative - The Fight Against Bullying

It is no secret.  Bullying is a huge problem.  It seems as though there is a new story about a tragic end to bullying every other week. Something must be done to end this cycle. I am convinced that we all can play a part. We will never be able to make bullying stop completely - it grows from the bully's insecurities and struggles. However, we can empower young people to say no to the lies and fables the bullies perpetuate. I believe that this can begin with speaking a "new narrative" into the lives of the young people with whom we interact.

A narrative is a story, a tale, a recollection or a recounting - whether true or fictitious. Many young people hear or experience only negative narratives about their lives. They hear others say or behave in such a way that suggests that they are a waste of time, space and oxygen.

It is time to speak a new narrative of acceptance, love and challenge into the lives of young people everywhere and to live in such a way that our actions match our words.

Over the next few weeks, I will be writing about how we can begin to be proactive about speaking a new narrative into the lives of those aruond us.

Your thoughts and comments are welcome.

Discipleship - Fall Retreat - November 5-6

We had an amazing fall retreat the weekend of November 5-6.  The weather couldn't have been better and the students were outstanding.

We spent the weekend around the theme of discipleship.  Psalm 1 and a wide variety of other texts were our focus.

On Saturday night we defined discipleship. On Sunday morning, we discussed what discipleship looks like in the lives of those we consider to be people of faith. On Sunday afternoon, we discovered how we might plant the seeds of discipleship in our world and in the lives of those around us.

Throughout the retreat we constructed three "discipleship trees." We added leaves that represented the names and lives of those whom we consider to be disciples. We then added seeds to represent the seeds of discipleship that we hope to plant.

Ask your student who they see as examples of discipleship in their lives and why they consider these people to be disciples. Share your own examples of discipleship from your life.

Then share with one another what characteristics of discipleship you hope to develop in your own lives.

Look for information regarding our winter retreats coming soon.
Click here for a photo album of our retreat.

FALL RETREAT

There is still time to register for the Fall Retreat. Spaces are going fast. Check out the webpage for details. Packing list will be posted today. Also, please fill out the online medical form and the release form.

Retreats are a great way for your young person to get to know other students from around the north side of Indianapolis. Retreats are a great way for your young person to get away and relax. Retreats are a great way for your young person to grow in their faith. SIGN YOUR YOUNG PERSON UP NOW!

PRICE INCREASES MONDAY, OCTOBER 31 to $100.

"But Mom, it IS a big deal!"

It's a small pimple on her forehead on a Friday morning.

It's a tiny stain on the front of his shirt discovered on the way to the school social.

We are only two minutes late for the football game.

I lingered a moment when I dropped her off in front of the school.

What is the big deal? Why do these seemingly small and inconsequential moments become flashpoints in our relationships with our pre-teen/teen?

The answer is in the title..."But Mom, it IS a big deal to me!"

You can't argue this with your child. It is a big deal to them. It doesn't matter how irrational it may seem. It doesn't matter how small the issue actually is, it is a big deal to them.

One of the most difficult things for me to remember about living with a teenager is how small their frame of reference truly is. It was only yesterday that my child was just that, a child. They seemingly had not a worry in the world. Now, as a pre-teen/teen, everything is a BIG DEAL!

Pre-teens and teens are trying on their wings of independence and doing the hard work of figuring out who in the world they are.  They have all of these confusing and confounding chemicals at work in their body that make them emotional and sometimes irrational. As parents, it is hard for us to understand how our child has changed so much in such a short amount of time. We must remember that it is even more difficult for our young person to understand the changes that are going on in their life and body. The truth is these things are indeed a big deal to them.

So, what is a parent to do? Listen. It is really hard work, but we must listen. There is a lot of anxiety in our young person's life. Yes, it is nothing like the anxiety that you and I face on a day to day basis, but that does not make it any less stressful. Remember, their frame of reference is indeed very short. Saying something like, "It will all be better in a few short months;" or "By the time you are 20, you won't even remember this" is like telling them that things will never change. A few short months when you have only lived 14 years is a LONG time. By the time you are 20 is something that they can't even begin to fathom. They aren't even sure they are going to make it to 20.

The most important thing that we can do is listen to their concerns and worries and let them know that we aren't going anywhere. Young people often feel as though they are facing the storms all alone. Remind your young person, by word and deed, that you will walk with them through any of the storms they will face. They need to be reminded that there are people committed to being there even when their life is confusing or disappointing, and even when they make a mess of things. We must be careful not to minimize the storm that they are currently facing, and we must be careful not to allow it to become a destructive hurricane. And we must remember that the storm will pass, no matter how fierce. We will face it together.

Believe It, Or Not

Believe It, Or Not is going to be a recurring item on this blog.  We invite you to take a look at the brief  article and then interact with the question by replying to the blog post.  It will be great to hear from one another about the joys and challenges of parenting adolescents.

BELIEVE IT, OR NOT...
Your teen is interested in what you think and what you believe. The problem is often the way in which we as parents package it.  If we spend more time talking than listening, we probably are not going to have a willing conversation partner.

What have you found to be the most effective ways to communicate with your adolescent? (Hit reply below, we would love to hear your best practices)