A Lesson Learned at the Kid's Table

Family reunions always happened at my grandma's house.  We had them at least twice a year.  Everyone was there - great-uncles and aunts, second cousins by the boat load, my parents, my siblings, both sets of grandparents, and usually a stranger or two thrown in for good measure.

Several things were commonplace at these gatherings.  There was always way too much delicious food, my grandmother fussed over and took care of everyone, the house was overcrowded, stories were told, and the kids sat at the kid's table in the "living room".  This last phrase is in quotes because I don't want you to get an image of a formal living room conjured up in your mind.  This was a simple small house on East 29th Street in Marion, Indiana, that my grandfather built with the help of a few friends.  This was the home my mother grew up in.  Grandpa added the "living room" several years later.  It really was most like a converted garage.  Yet, in spite of or perhaps because of its simple beauty, I loved this house.  I spent a lot of time at this wonderful home.  If I think about it long enough, I can even bring back the way the house smelled when grandma and grandpa were canning green beans or making jam.  I guess what I really loved was the home that house had become for generations of people.

I digress, back to the reunion.

The kid's table was never more than ten feet away from the adult room and the adult table.  They were separated by nothing more than a couple of steps up and a wrought iron railing (I told you it was simple).  Everything could be seen and heard by everyone in each room.  This was important for the adults who were watching their children and more than annoying to the kids who were trying desperately not to get caught by their parents.  

Unbeknownst to any of us gathered there, something amazing was taking place at each one of our gatherings.  The adults were teaching the children what it meant to be a part of this strangely wonderful Fones family.  The kids heard the stories, watched how the family - even with its own peculiarities - acted as a family, witnessed love in action, learned how to live and survive life's biggest challenges, understood the importance of tradition, and became more and more family with each gathering.

When we consider the faith development of our young people, we often first think about what kind of children and youth programs our congregation provides.  We want to see the number of young people involved in these programs so that we can prove that spiritual nurture is taking place within the walls of the church.  I strongly believe that these programs and opportunities are important.  Afterall, I have worked in the same church as its youth director for over half of my life.  However, these programs, events and opportunities are not the most important predictors of spiritual health and spiritual development in the lives of our young people.  Research is beginning to show that these programs indeed have their place, but their place should not be at the head of the table when it comes to our children's developing spiritual lives and spiritual roots that will last into adulthood.  

One longitudinal study conducted by the Fuller Youth Institute, "Sticky Faith", sums up its findings with this statement, "Rather than only attending their own Sunday School classes, worship services, small groups, and service activities, young people appear to benefit from intergenerational activities and venues that remove the walls (whether literal or metaphorical) separating the generations. Churches and families wanting to instill deep faith in youth should help them build a web of relationships with committed and caring adults, some of whom may serve as intentional mentors" (for more on this study, click here)

This is what happened at the Fones family reunions.  The children learned about the family and how to be family by being in the same room with the adults.  Sure, we went off to climb trees together and had our own meaningful discussion with one another, but the most important "stuff" that happened took place when the generations were all within earshot of one another.  

If our children are to develop a faith that sticks, they need to be in the room with us.  They need to hear the family stories, watch how the family - even with its own peculiarities - acts as a family, witness love in action, learn how to live and survive life's biggest challenges, understand the importance of tradition, and become more and more family with each gathering.  It is not just about intergenerational activities, it is about children and youth being integrated into the full family life of the community of faith.

So, two questions remain:

1. How might this look in your own family?  I am confident it is already happening.  Celebrate the moments when it is taking place and create new opportunities for it to happen.

2. How might we imagine what this looks like at Second Presbyterian Church together?  There are already many places at Second in which this integrative approach to spiritual nurture and development is happening.  Let's discover those places together and create more opportunities for shared faith and life.

A Milk Chocolate Discipline

 C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E!

I love chocolate.  This confectioner's delight is truly one of my major weaknesses.  What makes it even worse for me is that I enjoy chocolate in nearly all of its creative variations - fruit dipped in chocolate, chocolate infused with fruit, chocolate milk, milk chocolate, mint chocolate, hot chocolate, chocolate with chilies, dark chocolate, and on and on.  Much to my delight, I am told that chocolate even has some health benefits (Okay, maybe it is just a way to assuage guilt over an obsession. If so, it works!).

However, I also know that I cannot live on chocolate alone.  Even though it is tasty and may have limited health benefits, chocolate cannot become the staple of my diet.

Life is that way, too.  There are many things in which we may take delight, that are no replacement for the things which will ultimately lead to health and growth.  It seems as though part of the job description of parents is to help our children make healthy choices until they can develop these healthy patterns for themselves.  Let's face it, our children would much rather have ice cream instead of broccoli, gummy worms instead of green beans, and chocolate chip cookies instead of grilled chicken. If we are honest, we would make those same choices. We have just become more disciplined in our decisions about food.  In learning the disciplines of healthy eating habits, one learns to take delight in the broad flavor profiles and textures of food.

There are other areas of life where this same pattern holds true - studying for the test instead of spending time on the computer; getting much needed sleep instead of staying up to watch the horror movie; going to dinner with the family instead of playing another video game. It is through practicing the discipline of such things that one discovers the delight to be found in them.

The end of the summer and the beginning of another school year gives us the opportunity to make some adjustments in our commitments and priorities for our families.  We have the opportunity to refocus our attention on some of the disciplines that may have been less of a priority during the restful days of summer.

I occasionally hear the comment that youth do not like to sit in worship.  Guess what, that is most likely true.  Where else in our culture are young people encouraged to join with people of all generations in the same activity?  In addition, worship is a unique discipline. It is not supposed to be entertainment for those gathered.  Rather, it is the people of God gathered to give glory and honor to God.  In an entertainment culture, this is indeed an odd activity.  One must learn the discipline of setting aside self to join with the multitude in prayer, confession, praise, and adoration.  It is only through practicing this discipline together that we all discover the delight to be found within it.

Make the commitment to sit with your family in worship regularly.  Even if such a family commitment leads to whining and a rolling of the eyes.  Don't forget, we were all whining, eye-rolling teens at one time.  It is part of the job description of parents to help our children make healthy choices until they can develop these healthy patterns for themselves. Worshiping together is one of the disciplines that will indeed lead to long term spiritual health and growth.

New Narrative - Mission Experiences

There is only one spot remaining for the Middle School trip

Several weeks ago, I wrote a blog entitled "New Narrative - Positive Risk Taking" (if interested, you can read it by clicking on the title). The point of the post is the felt and real need for risk taking in the lives of teens, and how we might provide positive avenues for that risk taking. One idea that was mentioned in the post was service or mission experiences.



Why should we consider encouraging our young people to participate in such mission experiences?

We provide such experiences for the youth of Second Presbyterian Church for several reasons. We believe these mission trips are unique and give our youth the opportunity to...

 (1) become "other" focused,
 (2) give of themselves and their faith to help those in need,
 (3) further expand their world and world-view,
 (4) interact with our brothers and sisters in diverse communities and their rich cultural heritage,
 (5) practice positive risk taking,
 (6) learn new skills,
 (7) see the effectiveness of a body of believers who work together toward a common goal,
 (8) stretch their faith,
 (9) strengthen their personal relationships with Christ, and
(10) gain a better understanding of what it means to be a world Christian.

Week 1 has room; Week 2 is full with a waiting list.

It is our long term goal that students gain an understanding how they can live out their faith through service within  their everyday surroundings.  They do not have to go some place exotic or expensive to serve.  There are countless opportunities right next door.


Short summer mission trips are transformative experiences for the youth of our congregation as well as their adult advisers.  It is a privilege to witness God's work firsthand.

There are still a few spaces for this year's mission trips (week 2 of the high school trip is currently full with a waiting list).  Click on one of the images above to be taken to the information and registration page.  All of the trips will fill up completely.  We want your young person to be a part of these experiences.  Please sign them up NOW.

Trips such as these are a part of living into a New Narrative of hope, peace, and justice.

New Narrative - The Teen Brain

Below is a link to a short video on the teen brain and brain development research.

Sometimes living with a teen can be one of the most challenging things in the world.  There are moments of intense joy and laughter as well as moments of incredible discomfort and raised voices - sometimes in the same 30 minutes!

A teenager's life, body, and experience are all about change.  Very few things are stable for them.  Even the chemicals in their bodies and the function of their brains are in flux.  This can lead to emotional outbursts and moments of seemingly irrational thoughts.

It is important for us, as parents of teens, to remember that there are times when their emotions do "get the best of them." Therefore, we have to work hard to keep our wits about us, or what we say and do may actually escalate the situation and deepen the problem.  It is hard work, but it is more than worth it.
Here are some suggestions...
- Don't forget to breathe - this slows us down and gives us the opportunity to work through our thoughts as well as our feelings
- Take care of yourself - get proper rest and try to eat well
- Find a confidant with whom you can share the joys and concerns of parenting a teen - this should be in addition to your spouse or significant other
- Take time to ask your teen about their life and their joys
- Do something fun together - go grab an unexpected ice cream treat, go for a walk, go to a movie
- Write your teen a note about what you appreciate about them

If we are more intentional about these things, they won't make all of the struggles go away, but they may aid in lessening the number of conflicts and their severity.

Teen Brain Video

New Narrative - Worship

We are rapidly approaching Easter Sunday.
It is the season when our world and our minds begin pointing toward resurrection, rebirth, and new life.

The daffodil have bloomed, the magnolia have blossomed, and the trees are beginning to green.

The church has been moving through the forty day desert of Lent growing ever closer to Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

This is a tremendous season to turn our hearts toward the spiritual disciplines.  The center of our lives as Christians is the discipline of worship. The next few posts will have worship as their focus.

A lot has been written about worship throughout the last several years. Much of the discussion has focused on questions of style and methodology. It is easy to grow weary of this discussion because there are faithful people with diverse and often divergent opinions about the how, the when, and the where of worship. Adding to this discussion would simply be stacking someone else's opinion and convictions on top of an already insanely high stack. Therefore, these posts will avoid adding another voice to the confusion. We will instead turn our attention to the discipline itself.

In the Book of Order, Christian worship is described as follows,
               Christian worship joyfully ascribes all praise and honor, glory and power to the triune God.

            In worship the people of God acknowledge God present in the world and in their lives. As

            they respond to God’s claim and redemptive action in Jesus Christ, believers are transformed

            and renewed. In worship the faithful offer themselves to God and are equipped for God’s

            service in the world. (W-1.1001)

Worship is our central act as faithful people.  It is what we are to be about. There is nothing more important that we could be doing with our time and energy than offering ourselves, our lives, our gifts to the One who in Christ gave and continues to give us all things. It is in our worship that we offer our grateful response to what God has done, is doing, and will continue to do. As the central response of faith, worship reminds us of where all praise, honor, glory, and power rightly belong. In worship, we are challenged and equipped to serve the triune God in word and deed.

Christian worship is a discipline. It is not something that we are necessarily drawn toward naturally. It is something that takes time, effort, and commitment to develop. I encourage you in these last two weeks of Lent to find a time to worship together as a family (however your family may be assembled). Worshiping together has the power to transform the manner in which you talk about faith and life. Worship truly gives us a new narrative into which we can live.

Second Presbyterian Church offers several worship times throughout the next several days for you to practice your worship discipline.

March 28 - Wednesday Evening Prayers, 6-6:25 p.m.

April 1 - Palm Sunday Worship - 8:15, 9:30 and 11 a.m., Families@Five at 5 p.m. & Second@Six at 6 p.m.

April 1 - Service of Holy Communion and Wholeness - 10:35 every Sunday

April 5 - Tenebrae Communion Service - 8:00 p.m. At this service of shadows, we share the Last Supper and hear the story of the last hours of the life of Jesus. The service ends in darkness.
April 6 - Good Friday Worship Services - Noon to 3 p.m., with meditations in the chapel on the Seven Last Words of Christ. Please feel free to come and go as you are able. This service features a string quartet performing The Seven Last Words of Christ by Franz Joseph Haydn.

April 8 - Easter Sunday - Morning Worship Services: Worship Services in the Sanctuary at 8, 9:30 and 11:15 a.m. Music at these services will feature special music with Sanctuary Choir, Festival Brass, organ and percussion. Evening Worship Services: Families@Five at 5 p.m.; and Second@Six Communion Service at 6 p.m.

Make these last two weeks of Lent a time for you and your family to begin or add something to your discipline of worship.

New Narrative - Praying Life Together

One of my friends and colleagues in ministry once said, "One of the most powerful things for a child's faith development is for them to see their parents praying."

I wholeheartedly agree. I would only add to it by saying that it is even more powerful when children and their parent(s) pray together.

One of the recurring memories of my childhood is evening prayer time with my parents. Every evening, we would gather in one of the bedrooms (I have an older brother and an older sister) to pray together. The prayers were often simple and rather quick, but they always happened. And I couldn't go to sleep without them. Every night, our prayers would end with us reciting the Lord's Prayer together. This continued all the way through my teenage years. And this evening discipline continues on into my family to this day.

More important than the actual evening ritual of praying together is the discipline of praying life together as a family. Consider what might happen as a family prays together.
Each one hears the concerns of the other.
Each family member has the opportunity to be thankful for the ones praying with them.
Each child and their parents has the chance to speak the prayer requests and concerns of the other.

Each one is reminded that prayer is not just something we do by ourselves and for ourselves - prayer is a communal exercise.

Take the opportunity during Lent to pray together as a family. Perhaps you already do this and can try some new prayer exercises together. Or maybe you have fallen out of the habit of praying together, and this can be a season to experiment with prayer together as a family.

Here are some simple prayer exercises you might try together:

• Create a prayer space in your house or yard where you can gather as a family on a regular basis to pray together. You don't have to do any redecorating or reorganizing. Simply think through your home and what space might be most conducive to prayer together.
• Place a prayer jar in the kitchen with small strips of paper and a pen beside it. Encourage family members to write down their prayers and joys once a day or once a week and place them in the jar. Then someone can retrieve the jar and its contents before breakfast or dinner and the family can pray the requests together.
• Write one another a note once a week that contains your prayer concerns and joys. Trade them with family members so that you might be praying for each other throughout the week.
• Ask your child(ren) for their ideas about praying together as a family. They will come up with the most creative approaches to this important faith discipline. 
• HAVE FUN! Remember, all things can be and should be prayer - our work, our play, our lives.

Praying life together can indeed be a new narrative full of compassion, empathy, concern and shared joy with one another.

Throughout the next several weeks, we will be looking at integrating some of the disciplines into our family life together and how these might shape the New Narrative into which we can live. 

New Narrative - Ashes, Dust, and Mortality

Wednesday, February 22 was Ash Wednesday. Many of us gathered in the sanctuary at Second Presbyterian Church, and churches around the world, to hear the Word of God proclaimed, to partake in the sacrament of the Lord's Supper, and to be marked on our foreheads with ashes. 

It is a strangely wonderful sight to see pilgrims of all ages, sizes, and hues waiting in line to receive the mark of the cross in ash and to be reminded of their frailty and mortality. The minister drags her thumb through the ashes, looks each person in the eye as she gently traces the cross on their forehead, and says, "Remember, that from dust you were formed; to dust you shall return."

Yes, what a strangely wonderful site.

This message is a message of truth and a dose of reality we all need to hear and experience. This is especially true in a time when we spend so much energy, imagination, and money trying to convince ourselves that it just isn't so. If we work hard enough, if we pay enough money, if we do all the right things we will never have to face the fact that we are indeed frail, broken, and mortal. This is the message we are tempted to buy into so we don't have to face the truth.

In Lent, we are called to remember the truth of our mortality and take comfort in the fact that in the midst of the reality of our lives, in the midst of our deserts, God is present. God calls us, through the Christ, to accept our mortality not as a curse, but as a blessing of who we are created to be. It is in the desert of Lent that we are reminded that it is God who sustains life. It is in the wilderness that we discover that the things to which we are tempted to cling so tightly are only temporal treasures. It is during these long 40 days that we can find joy in the treasures that are eternal "where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal" (Matthew 6:20).

This Ash Wednesday, a family stood in line to receive the reminder on their foreheads in the form of an ashen cross like so many others. However, this family was different. What made this family stand out from the many others standing with them was the child they held in their arms. This mother and father came to not only to be marked but to present their six month old child to have the ashes placed on her forehead. This beautiful young life had the truth of her own mortality whispered into her ears and rubbed on her pink skin.

It was a powerful scene. It was an overwhelming a reminder that it is never too early to be reminded of the truth of the fragility of life and the sustaining power and presence of God.

Take the opportunity during this season of Lent to have these conversations with your young person. Talk about the fragility of life. Talk about human frailty and brokenness. Talk about the sustaining power of Christ in the midst of the reality of life. Talk about this truly counter cutlural message of the desert of life and the journey toward the cross. This is a new narrative. Discover together the beauty of this 40 day journey.

May this Lenten Season be a journey of faith for you and your family.