For All the Saints

Thursday, November 1 is traditionally known as All Saints Day in many Christian traditions in the west.  It is on this day that Christians remember and celebrate the lives of those who have gone before them.  This is an important day in many Christian communities around the world marked by services of worship and celebratory events.  This holy day gives people an opportunity to consider the lives and the faith of those who have had a historic impact on the world as well as those with whom they have been honored to have a personal relationship.  

Many young people today lack a sense of being rooted in the past.  In our world of hurry to the next big thing and scamper to the next wonderful idea, it is hard to give that which has gone before a second thought. There just isn't time.  This can increase the feeling of isolation and disconnect from anything that has meaning.  Being disconnected from the past can lead to discouragement about the present and disillusionment about the future. If the only thing that is important is right here and right now, then is what I am doing, discovering, desiring, becoming now worth anything at all?

All Saints Day is a great opportunity to help connect yourself and your teen to the past.  Take some time during the next couple of days to reflect on the lives of those who have gone before who have made an impact on your life.  

Why are these saints so important to you?  

What did they teach you?  

How has their life and witness helped to shape your own?

Encourage your teens to do the same.  Allow them to consider those who are living who serve as saints and examples to them.  Then, take some time to share with one another about the people who made your lists.

Possible family activity:

1 - Grab a stack of 3X5 note cards before dinner or breakfast.  

2 - Have each family member take a few.  

3 - On one side, have each person write the name of someone who fills the role of saint (living or dead) in their life.  

4 - On the opposite side of the card, make a list of words or phrases that flesh out the reasons why this person's life and faith are important to you.  

5 - Trade cards.

6 - Read the reasons out loud, followed by the name of the individual.

Have fun reading and learning about one another through the lives of these saints.

"For all the saints, who from their labors rest,

who thee by faith before the world confessed,

thy name, O Jesus, be forever blest.

Alleluia, Alleluia!" (Text: William W. How, 1823-1897; Music: Ralph Vaughan Williams, 1872-1958)

Speaking of Faith

One of the most important passages found in the Hebrew Scriptures (also called First or Old Testament) is a passage that is often referred to as the "shema".   It is called the "shema" because the first word of the passage in Hebrew is the word "shema". This word can be and is often translated "hear". 

This passage captures the heart of the Jewish faith, and it shapes much of their life together. 

In the New Revised Standard Version, Deuteronomy 6:4-9, a portion of the shema, reads,

"Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

We hear these words echoed in Jesus' response to the question "What is the greatest commandment?"  He replied, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets" (Matthew 22:37-40).

The shema was to shape how a family lived and how they spoke of the faith of their mothers and fathers: a faith that was to become their own.

Our Jewish brothers and sisters have always known something incredibly important. A faith that is to be passed on from one generation to the next is a faith that must be discussed.  It is a faith that must be lived together.  It is a faith that must be linked to the stories of the past so that it can be seen as a vital faith into the future.  It is a faith that must be not only the threshold of the house but also the hearth of the home.  

Take time to have faith conversations in your home. There is nothing more formative for the faith of our children than conversations and living examples of a vital faith.  Don' be afraid to speak of the things that are important to you. 
Why do you go to worship each week? 
Why do you give money to the church and other charitable organizations? 
Why are you committed to working with Christmas Benevolence every year? 
Why do you believe in God? 

Speaking of faith is one of the best ways to pass faith along.

Time Together

In this fragmented and frenetic world, one of the most difficult things for us to do is make time to spend together.  Yet, in this fragmented and frenetic world, there are few things that are as important.

My niece gave birth to her first child not long ago.  He is fantastic! He was approximately six weeks premature.  He spent the majority of the first two weeks of his life in an incubator.  In spite of the necessity of his time in this protective environment, the doctors and nurses worked very hard to get him to the point where he could spend moments out of the incubator each day for some good mommy and daddy time.  Mom and dad would sit in the rocking chair and hold their wonderful newborn child close to their chest so that he could know their rhythms, feel their heartbeat, and hear their soothing voices.  The doctors knew that there was nothing better for the health of this little one than to spend quality time close to his daddy and mommy. 

As children grow, it becomes more and more difficult to get quality time together.  They are busy.  We are busy.  They are growing in their need for autonomy.  However, research shows that even into their late teens there may be nothing better for the health of our children than time together.  

Recent findings show that even their dependence on social media and technology reflects their deep need for intimacy.  Andrew Zirschky recently blogged, "Recent ethnographic research reveals that young people’s voracious appetite for social media isn’t rooted in a love for all things digital, but in a nagging loneliness and a persistent human longing for deep belonging and connection.  After three years of research funded by the MacArthur Foundation, digital ethnographer Danah Boyd concluded that teenagers use social media to establish “full-time intimate communities” that provide for always-on communication and relationships. It appears that youth appropriate technology, not primarily for its entertainment value or cool factor, but because of its potential to foster “presence-in-absence”—the ability to be with friends despite physical separation" (read the entire blog post here).

Teens not only have a need for these intimate connections with their peers, but also with their parents.  

How can we reclaim those intimate moments with our teens who often act as though they are embarrassed to be seen in our presence?  It can be tricky.  However, it is more than worth the struggle.  

Here are some simple suggestions...

1 - Become a regular "texter".  Text short messages to your teen that you love them, believe in them, and think that they are outstanding.

2 - Look for small moments to be with one another.  If you are taking a quick trip to the store, have them ride along (unplugged).  If the dog needs to go for a walk, do it together.

3 - Remember the things that your teen enjoys the most. Find ways to encourage them in these pursuits: watch a game together, go to a musical.

4 - Find moments in the day when you can speak their name with tenderness.  Teens can often go through an entire day without hearing their name spoken without a demand, question, or interjection attached to it.

5 - Make pizza together, have a build your own taco night, surprise them with their favorite Subway sandwich.

This really isn't rocket science, but it does take commitment.  

You know your child the best.  Even though it may seem like they are getting further and further away from you, you still know them at their heart better than anyone else.  You have been with them through every moment of their life.  No one else can say that.  Have fun developing your relationship together.  It is changing, and that is a good thing.  However, your child still needs to know your rhythms, feel your heartbeat, and hear your comforting voice.

A Lesson Learned at the Kid's Table

Family reunions always happened at my grandma's house.  We had them at least twice a year.  Everyone was there - great-uncles and aunts, second cousins by the boat load, my parents, my siblings, both sets of grandparents, and usually a stranger or two thrown in for good measure.

Several things were commonplace at these gatherings.  There was always way too much delicious food, my grandmother fussed over and took care of everyone, the house was overcrowded, stories were told, and the kids sat at the kid's table in the "living room".  This last phrase is in quotes because I don't want you to get an image of a formal living room conjured up in your mind.  This was a simple small house on East 29th Street in Marion, Indiana, that my grandfather built with the help of a few friends.  This was the home my mother grew up in.  Grandpa added the "living room" several years later.  It really was most like a converted garage.  Yet, in spite of or perhaps because of its simple beauty, I loved this house.  I spent a lot of time at this wonderful home.  If I think about it long enough, I can even bring back the way the house smelled when grandma and grandpa were canning green beans or making jam.  I guess what I really loved was the home that house had become for generations of people.

I digress, back to the reunion.

The kid's table was never more than ten feet away from the adult room and the adult table.  They were separated by nothing more than a couple of steps up and a wrought iron railing (I told you it was simple).  Everything could be seen and heard by everyone in each room.  This was important for the adults who were watching their children and more than annoying to the kids who were trying desperately not to get caught by their parents.  

Unbeknownst to any of us gathered there, something amazing was taking place at each one of our gatherings.  The adults were teaching the children what it meant to be a part of this strangely wonderful Fones family.  The kids heard the stories, watched how the family - even with its own peculiarities - acted as a family, witnessed love in action, learned how to live and survive life's biggest challenges, understood the importance of tradition, and became more and more family with each gathering.

When we consider the faith development of our young people, we often first think about what kind of children and youth programs our congregation provides.  We want to see the number of young people involved in these programs so that we can prove that spiritual nurture is taking place within the walls of the church.  I strongly believe that these programs and opportunities are important.  Afterall, I have worked in the same church as its youth director for over half of my life.  However, these programs, events and opportunities are not the most important predictors of spiritual health and spiritual development in the lives of our young people.  Research is beginning to show that these programs indeed have their place, but their place should not be at the head of the table when it comes to our children's developing spiritual lives and spiritual roots that will last into adulthood.  

One longitudinal study conducted by the Fuller Youth Institute, "Sticky Faith", sums up its findings with this statement, "Rather than only attending their own Sunday School classes, worship services, small groups, and service activities, young people appear to benefit from intergenerational activities and venues that remove the walls (whether literal or metaphorical) separating the generations. Churches and families wanting to instill deep faith in youth should help them build a web of relationships with committed and caring adults, some of whom may serve as intentional mentors" (for more on this study, click here)

This is what happened at the Fones family reunions.  The children learned about the family and how to be family by being in the same room with the adults.  Sure, we went off to climb trees together and had our own meaningful discussion with one another, but the most important "stuff" that happened took place when the generations were all within earshot of one another.  

If our children are to develop a faith that sticks, they need to be in the room with us.  They need to hear the family stories, watch how the family - even with its own peculiarities - acts as a family, witness love in action, learn how to live and survive life's biggest challenges, understand the importance of tradition, and become more and more family with each gathering.  It is not just about intergenerational activities, it is about children and youth being integrated into the full family life of the community of faith.

So, two questions remain:

1. How might this look in your own family?  I am confident it is already happening.  Celebrate the moments when it is taking place and create new opportunities for it to happen.

2. How might we imagine what this looks like at Second Presbyterian Church together?  There are already many places at Second in which this integrative approach to spiritual nurture and development is happening.  Let's discover those places together and create more opportunities for shared faith and life.

A Milk Chocolate Discipline

 C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E!

I love chocolate.  This confectioner's delight is truly one of my major weaknesses.  What makes it even worse for me is that I enjoy chocolate in nearly all of its creative variations - fruit dipped in chocolate, chocolate infused with fruit, chocolate milk, milk chocolate, mint chocolate, hot chocolate, chocolate with chilies, dark chocolate, and on and on.  Much to my delight, I am told that chocolate even has some health benefits (Okay, maybe it is just a way to assuage guilt over an obsession. If so, it works!).

However, I also know that I cannot live on chocolate alone.  Even though it is tasty and may have limited health benefits, chocolate cannot become the staple of my diet.

Life is that way, too.  There are many things in which we may take delight, that are no replacement for the things which will ultimately lead to health and growth.  It seems as though part of the job description of parents is to help our children make healthy choices until they can develop these healthy patterns for themselves.  Let's face it, our children would much rather have ice cream instead of broccoli, gummy worms instead of green beans, and chocolate chip cookies instead of grilled chicken. If we are honest, we would make those same choices. We have just become more disciplined in our decisions about food.  In learning the disciplines of healthy eating habits, one learns to take delight in the broad flavor profiles and textures of food.

There are other areas of life where this same pattern holds true - studying for the test instead of spending time on the computer; getting much needed sleep instead of staying up to watch the horror movie; going to dinner with the family instead of playing another video game. It is through practicing the discipline of such things that one discovers the delight to be found in them.

The end of the summer and the beginning of another school year gives us the opportunity to make some adjustments in our commitments and priorities for our families.  We have the opportunity to refocus our attention on some of the disciplines that may have been less of a priority during the restful days of summer.

I occasionally hear the comment that youth do not like to sit in worship.  Guess what, that is most likely true.  Where else in our culture are young people encouraged to join with people of all generations in the same activity?  In addition, worship is a unique discipline. It is not supposed to be entertainment for those gathered.  Rather, it is the people of God gathered to give glory and honor to God.  In an entertainment culture, this is indeed an odd activity.  One must learn the discipline of setting aside self to join with the multitude in prayer, confession, praise, and adoration.  It is only through practicing this discipline together that we all discover the delight to be found within it.

Make the commitment to sit with your family in worship regularly.  Even if such a family commitment leads to whining and a rolling of the eyes.  Don't forget, we were all whining, eye-rolling teens at one time.  It is part of the job description of parents to help our children make healthy choices until they can develop these healthy patterns for themselves. Worshiping together is one of the disciplines that will indeed lead to long term spiritual health and growth.

New Narrative - Mission Experiences

There is only one spot remaining for the Middle School trip

Several weeks ago, I wrote a blog entitled "New Narrative - Positive Risk Taking" (if interested, you can read it by clicking on the title). The point of the post is the felt and real need for risk taking in the lives of teens, and how we might provide positive avenues for that risk taking. One idea that was mentioned in the post was service or mission experiences.



Why should we consider encouraging our young people to participate in such mission experiences?

We provide such experiences for the youth of Second Presbyterian Church for several reasons. We believe these mission trips are unique and give our youth the opportunity to...

 (1) become "other" focused,
 (2) give of themselves and their faith to help those in need,
 (3) further expand their world and world-view,
 (4) interact with our brothers and sisters in diverse communities and their rich cultural heritage,
 (5) practice positive risk taking,
 (6) learn new skills,
 (7) see the effectiveness of a body of believers who work together toward a common goal,
 (8) stretch their faith,
 (9) strengthen their personal relationships with Christ, and
(10) gain a better understanding of what it means to be a world Christian.

Week 1 has room; Week 2 is full with a waiting list.

It is our long term goal that students gain an understanding how they can live out their faith through service within  their everyday surroundings.  They do not have to go some place exotic or expensive to serve.  There are countless opportunities right next door.


Short summer mission trips are transformative experiences for the youth of our congregation as well as their adult advisers.  It is a privilege to witness God's work firsthand.

There are still a few spaces for this year's mission trips (week 2 of the high school trip is currently full with a waiting list).  Click on one of the images above to be taken to the information and registration page.  All of the trips will fill up completely.  We want your young person to be a part of these experiences.  Please sign them up NOW.

Trips such as these are a part of living into a New Narrative of hope, peace, and justice.

New Narrative - The Teen Brain

Below is a link to a short video on the teen brain and brain development research.

Sometimes living with a teen can be one of the most challenging things in the world.  There are moments of intense joy and laughter as well as moments of incredible discomfort and raised voices - sometimes in the same 30 minutes!

A teenager's life, body, and experience are all about change.  Very few things are stable for them.  Even the chemicals in their bodies and the function of their brains are in flux.  This can lead to emotional outbursts and moments of seemingly irrational thoughts.

It is important for us, as parents of teens, to remember that there are times when their emotions do "get the best of them." Therefore, we have to work hard to keep our wits about us, or what we say and do may actually escalate the situation and deepen the problem.  It is hard work, but it is more than worth it.
Here are some suggestions...
- Don't forget to breathe - this slows us down and gives us the opportunity to work through our thoughts as well as our feelings
- Take care of yourself - get proper rest and try to eat well
- Find a confidant with whom you can share the joys and concerns of parenting a teen - this should be in addition to your spouse or significant other
- Take time to ask your teen about their life and their joys
- Do something fun together - go grab an unexpected ice cream treat, go for a walk, go to a movie
- Write your teen a note about what you appreciate about them

If we are more intentional about these things, they won't make all of the struggles go away, but they may aid in lessening the number of conflicts and their severity.

Teen Brain Video