Year of the Good Samaritan

‘A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell into the hands of robbers, who stripped him, beat him, and went away, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan while travelling came near him; and when he saw him, he was moved with pity. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, having poured oil and wine on them. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him.The next day he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said, “Take care of him; and when I come back, I will repay you whatever more you spend.” Which of these three, do you think, was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?’ He said, ‘The one who showed him mercy.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Go and do likewise.’ (Luke 10:30-37 NRSV)


As my family talked about the Ringing in the New Year post from the end of 2012 and what our priority might be for 2013, Allison suggested that we make it the year of the Good Samaritan.  We all agreed that this was a fantastic suggestion.  

This year, we will be looking at a couple of questions together as a family.  
First, who are my neighbors in need?  
Second, how might we be the neighbor who shows mercy?

This is going to be a HUGE challenge.  We are going to have to be intentional in our thinking about our neighbors and how we might be focused on responding and behaving neighborly.  In the midst of our busy-ness, we are going to have to carve out time to talk about the Good Samaritan, our neighbors, and possible responses to the needs of those neighbors.  Then...we have to take action.  I think this is going to be a lot of fun but also will be a significant challenge to our feelings of comfort and possibly our habits as a family.  But I am confident that it will be more than worth it.

Have you had an opportunity to think through something that your family might make a priority in 2013?  I would love to hear your stories, and how you think your commitments might impact your family in 2013.

If you haven't had the chance to read "Ringing in the New Year" and would like to do so, here is the link - Ringing in the New Year.  Feel free to leave your comments.

Hope your 2013 has already been a year of wonder and grace.

Peace.

Ringing in the New Year

'Tis the season for holiday get togethers, toasts, and resolutions!

In the craziness that is the busy holiday season, it can be difficult to find the time to be introspective.  There is so much to attend to and so many things that must be done.  I must confess that some of the pressures of the holiday time do nothing more than add stress and a level of guilt to an already hectic life.  It is easy for me to feel a little bit like a "pushmi-pullyu" of Dr. Doolittle fame.  It seems as though there is always something for me to do next and somewhere for me to go.

Maybe it's just me.

As we quickly approach the ringing in of 2013, the Shivers family is going to do something different.  We are going think through what we would like to make a priority together this coming year.  It is not a "resolution" or an add on to an already busy life.  Rather, it is an examination of those things that we are already passionate about.  We will look at them together, pray about them, and decide on one of them that we will try to make our family focus this coming year.

I am not sure at this time exactly what all of this will mean, but it will be fun to see how we can come together as a family and creatively make something a priority.  Perhaps we will participate in one service project a month together centered around our priority.  Maybe we will give a little extra money to a charity that has our priority as a focus.  Could be that we will study and learn together about whatever we decide on and see where that may lead us.

It will be exciting to look back on 2013 as the "Year of _________."  I am certain that somehow each one of us will be transformed by our "priority."

Here are some of the things that I can imagine will be in the running for our family priority in 2013...
Our daughter loves animals and is passionate about animal adoption.
Jennifer has a deep desire to address issues of hunger in our city.
I am finding myself more and more interested in interfaith work.

If you find this interesting and something your family might like to try as well, I would love to hear what you and your family are excited about together.  Feel free to share your ideas here on this page, if you would like.  It could be fun to hear from one another and learn from one another about what our families find to be important.

Blessings in your New Year!

Sunflowers of Thanksgiving

Today, I had someone put something amazing on my desk.  Beautiful sunflowers arrived to brighten my day. These sunflowers were given by a student who wanted to share something precious with Tyler, Stephanie, and me (the Aspire Youth Ministries staff).

The sunflowers came with this incredible note attached...
"Every year since we were kids my mom gives me and (my brother) sunflowers to give to the person/people we were most thankful to have in our life that year.  So this year I chose you 3. Thank you so much for everything you guys do! You rock! Happy Thanksgiving!"

I am so thankful for and humbled by this young person who took the time to send a ray of sunshine into our lives through wonderful sunflowers.  This small gesture reminds me that in this busy season of thanksgiving it is so easy to forget the small yet vitally important ways in which we can say thank you to the people in our lives for whom we give thanks.

These flowers changed me and challenged me today.  I realize that I do not say "thank you" nearly enough - especially to those with whom I work and live.

I have been changed by these sunflowers.  I am committing myself this day to say a simple "thank you" to the people in my life for whom I am grateful.  There are so many, and I am sure that I will miss some of the most important people.  However, if I begin this discipline today, then perhaps I will continue to practice it every day, and I will not leave anyone out.

Who are the people for whom you and your children are the most thankful?
What are some ways in which you can say thank you to them?
How can you and your family practice the discipline of thankful living together throughout the year?

Let me begin by saying, "Thank you" to you.

If you are reading this blog, you have undoubtedly touched my life in some way this year.  I want to thank you for journeying with me this year.  I am thankful for you and for your faithfulness.

Thank you.
Brian

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, 

give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NRSV) 

For All the Saints

Thursday, November 1 is traditionally known as All Saints Day in many Christian traditions in the west.  It is on this day that Christians remember and celebrate the lives of those who have gone before them.  This is an important day in many Christian communities around the world marked by services of worship and celebratory events.  This holy day gives people an opportunity to consider the lives and the faith of those who have had a historic impact on the world as well as those with whom they have been honored to have a personal relationship.  

Many young people today lack a sense of being rooted in the past.  In our world of hurry to the next big thing and scamper to the next wonderful idea, it is hard to give that which has gone before a second thought. There just isn't time.  This can increase the feeling of isolation and disconnect from anything that has meaning.  Being disconnected from the past can lead to discouragement about the present and disillusionment about the future. If the only thing that is important is right here and right now, then is what I am doing, discovering, desiring, becoming now worth anything at all?

All Saints Day is a great opportunity to help connect yourself and your teen to the past.  Take some time during the next couple of days to reflect on the lives of those who have gone before who have made an impact on your life.  

Why are these saints so important to you?  

What did they teach you?  

How has their life and witness helped to shape your own?

Encourage your teens to do the same.  Allow them to consider those who are living who serve as saints and examples to them.  Then, take some time to share with one another about the people who made your lists.

Possible family activity:

1 - Grab a stack of 3X5 note cards before dinner or breakfast.  

2 - Have each family member take a few.  

3 - On one side, have each person write the name of someone who fills the role of saint (living or dead) in their life.  

4 - On the opposite side of the card, make a list of words or phrases that flesh out the reasons why this person's life and faith are important to you.  

5 - Trade cards.

6 - Read the reasons out loud, followed by the name of the individual.

Have fun reading and learning about one another through the lives of these saints.

"For all the saints, who from their labors rest,

who thee by faith before the world confessed,

thy name, O Jesus, be forever blest.

Alleluia, Alleluia!" (Text: William W. How, 1823-1897; Music: Ralph Vaughan Williams, 1872-1958)

Speaking of Faith

One of the most important passages found in the Hebrew Scriptures (also called First or Old Testament) is a passage that is often referred to as the "shema".   It is called the "shema" because the first word of the passage in Hebrew is the word "shema". This word can be and is often translated "hear". 

This passage captures the heart of the Jewish faith, and it shapes much of their life together. 

In the New Revised Standard Version, Deuteronomy 6:4-9, a portion of the shema, reads,

"Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

We hear these words echoed in Jesus' response to the question "What is the greatest commandment?"  He replied, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets" (Matthew 22:37-40).

The shema was to shape how a family lived and how they spoke of the faith of their mothers and fathers: a faith that was to become their own.

Our Jewish brothers and sisters have always known something incredibly important. A faith that is to be passed on from one generation to the next is a faith that must be discussed.  It is a faith that must be lived together.  It is a faith that must be linked to the stories of the past so that it can be seen as a vital faith into the future.  It is a faith that must be not only the threshold of the house but also the hearth of the home.  

Take time to have faith conversations in your home. There is nothing more formative for the faith of our children than conversations and living examples of a vital faith.  Don' be afraid to speak of the things that are important to you. 
Why do you go to worship each week? 
Why do you give money to the church and other charitable organizations? 
Why are you committed to working with Christmas Benevolence every year? 
Why do you believe in God? 

Speaking of faith is one of the best ways to pass faith along.

Time Together

In this fragmented and frenetic world, one of the most difficult things for us to do is make time to spend together.  Yet, in this fragmented and frenetic world, there are few things that are as important.

My niece gave birth to her first child not long ago.  He is fantastic! He was approximately six weeks premature.  He spent the majority of the first two weeks of his life in an incubator.  In spite of the necessity of his time in this protective environment, the doctors and nurses worked very hard to get him to the point where he could spend moments out of the incubator each day for some good mommy and daddy time.  Mom and dad would sit in the rocking chair and hold their wonderful newborn child close to their chest so that he could know their rhythms, feel their heartbeat, and hear their soothing voices.  The doctors knew that there was nothing better for the health of this little one than to spend quality time close to his daddy and mommy. 

As children grow, it becomes more and more difficult to get quality time together.  They are busy.  We are busy.  They are growing in their need for autonomy.  However, research shows that even into their late teens there may be nothing better for the health of our children than time together.  

Recent findings show that even their dependence on social media and technology reflects their deep need for intimacy.  Andrew Zirschky recently blogged, "Recent ethnographic research reveals that young people’s voracious appetite for social media isn’t rooted in a love for all things digital, but in a nagging loneliness and a persistent human longing for deep belonging and connection.  After three years of research funded by the MacArthur Foundation, digital ethnographer Danah Boyd concluded that teenagers use social media to establish “full-time intimate communities” that provide for always-on communication and relationships. It appears that youth appropriate technology, not primarily for its entertainment value or cool factor, but because of its potential to foster “presence-in-absence”—the ability to be with friends despite physical separation" (read the entire blog post here).

Teens not only have a need for these intimate connections with their peers, but also with their parents.  

How can we reclaim those intimate moments with our teens who often act as though they are embarrassed to be seen in our presence?  It can be tricky.  However, it is more than worth the struggle.  

Here are some simple suggestions...

1 - Become a regular "texter".  Text short messages to your teen that you love them, believe in them, and think that they are outstanding.

2 - Look for small moments to be with one another.  If you are taking a quick trip to the store, have them ride along (unplugged).  If the dog needs to go for a walk, do it together.

3 - Remember the things that your teen enjoys the most. Find ways to encourage them in these pursuits: watch a game together, go to a musical.

4 - Find moments in the day when you can speak their name with tenderness.  Teens can often go through an entire day without hearing their name spoken without a demand, question, or interjection attached to it.

5 - Make pizza together, have a build your own taco night, surprise them with their favorite Subway sandwich.

This really isn't rocket science, but it does take commitment.  

You know your child the best.  Even though it may seem like they are getting further and further away from you, you still know them at their heart better than anyone else.  You have been with them through every moment of their life.  No one else can say that.  Have fun developing your relationship together.  It is changing, and that is a good thing.  However, your child still needs to know your rhythms, feel your heartbeat, and hear your comforting voice.

A Lesson Learned at the Kid's Table

Family reunions always happened at my grandma's house.  We had them at least twice a year.  Everyone was there - great-uncles and aunts, second cousins by the boat load, my parents, my siblings, both sets of grandparents, and usually a stranger or two thrown in for good measure.

Several things were commonplace at these gatherings.  There was always way too much delicious food, my grandmother fussed over and took care of everyone, the house was overcrowded, stories were told, and the kids sat at the kid's table in the "living room".  This last phrase is in quotes because I don't want you to get an image of a formal living room conjured up in your mind.  This was a simple small house on East 29th Street in Marion, Indiana, that my grandfather built with the help of a few friends.  This was the home my mother grew up in.  Grandpa added the "living room" several years later.  It really was most like a converted garage.  Yet, in spite of or perhaps because of its simple beauty, I loved this house.  I spent a lot of time at this wonderful home.  If I think about it long enough, I can even bring back the way the house smelled when grandma and grandpa were canning green beans or making jam.  I guess what I really loved was the home that house had become for generations of people.

I digress, back to the reunion.

The kid's table was never more than ten feet away from the adult room and the adult table.  They were separated by nothing more than a couple of steps up and a wrought iron railing (I told you it was simple).  Everything could be seen and heard by everyone in each room.  This was important for the adults who were watching their children and more than annoying to the kids who were trying desperately not to get caught by their parents.  

Unbeknownst to any of us gathered there, something amazing was taking place at each one of our gatherings.  The adults were teaching the children what it meant to be a part of this strangely wonderful Fones family.  The kids heard the stories, watched how the family - even with its own peculiarities - acted as a family, witnessed love in action, learned how to live and survive life's biggest challenges, understood the importance of tradition, and became more and more family with each gathering.

When we consider the faith development of our young people, we often first think about what kind of children and youth programs our congregation provides.  We want to see the number of young people involved in these programs so that we can prove that spiritual nurture is taking place within the walls of the church.  I strongly believe that these programs and opportunities are important.  Afterall, I have worked in the same church as its youth director for over half of my life.  However, these programs, events and opportunities are not the most important predictors of spiritual health and spiritual development in the lives of our young people.  Research is beginning to show that these programs indeed have their place, but their place should not be at the head of the table when it comes to our children's developing spiritual lives and spiritual roots that will last into adulthood.  

One longitudinal study conducted by the Fuller Youth Institute, "Sticky Faith", sums up its findings with this statement, "Rather than only attending their own Sunday School classes, worship services, small groups, and service activities, young people appear to benefit from intergenerational activities and venues that remove the walls (whether literal or metaphorical) separating the generations. Churches and families wanting to instill deep faith in youth should help them build a web of relationships with committed and caring adults, some of whom may serve as intentional mentors" (for more on this study, click here)

This is what happened at the Fones family reunions.  The children learned about the family and how to be family by being in the same room with the adults.  Sure, we went off to climb trees together and had our own meaningful discussion with one another, but the most important "stuff" that happened took place when the generations were all within earshot of one another.  

If our children are to develop a faith that sticks, they need to be in the room with us.  They need to hear the family stories, watch how the family - even with its own peculiarities - acts as a family, witness love in action, learn how to live and survive life's biggest challenges, understand the importance of tradition, and become more and more family with each gathering.  It is not just about intergenerational activities, it is about children and youth being integrated into the full family life of the community of faith.

So, two questions remain:

1. How might this look in your own family?  I am confident it is already happening.  Celebrate the moments when it is taking place and create new opportunities for it to happen.

2. How might we imagine what this looks like at Second Presbyterian Church together?  There are already many places at Second in which this integrative approach to spiritual nurture and development is happening.  Let's discover those places together and create more opportunities for shared faith and life.

A Milk Chocolate Discipline

 C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E!

I love chocolate.  This confectioner's delight is truly one of my major weaknesses.  What makes it even worse for me is that I enjoy chocolate in nearly all of its creative variations - fruit dipped in chocolate, chocolate infused with fruit, chocolate milk, milk chocolate, mint chocolate, hot chocolate, chocolate with chilies, dark chocolate, and on and on.  Much to my delight, I am told that chocolate even has some health benefits (Okay, maybe it is just a way to assuage guilt over an obsession. If so, it works!).

However, I also know that I cannot live on chocolate alone.  Even though it is tasty and may have limited health benefits, chocolate cannot become the staple of my diet.

Life is that way, too.  There are many things in which we may take delight, that are no replacement for the things which will ultimately lead to health and growth.  It seems as though part of the job description of parents is to help our children make healthy choices until they can develop these healthy patterns for themselves.  Let's face it, our children would much rather have ice cream instead of broccoli, gummy worms instead of green beans, and chocolate chip cookies instead of grilled chicken. If we are honest, we would make those same choices. We have just become more disciplined in our decisions about food.  In learning the disciplines of healthy eating habits, one learns to take delight in the broad flavor profiles and textures of food.

There are other areas of life where this same pattern holds true - studying for the test instead of spending time on the computer; getting much needed sleep instead of staying up to watch the horror movie; going to dinner with the family instead of playing another video game. It is through practicing the discipline of such things that one discovers the delight to be found in them.

The end of the summer and the beginning of another school year gives us the opportunity to make some adjustments in our commitments and priorities for our families.  We have the opportunity to refocus our attention on some of the disciplines that may have been less of a priority during the restful days of summer.

I occasionally hear the comment that youth do not like to sit in worship.  Guess what, that is most likely true.  Where else in our culture are young people encouraged to join with people of all generations in the same activity?  In addition, worship is a unique discipline. It is not supposed to be entertainment for those gathered.  Rather, it is the people of God gathered to give glory and honor to God.  In an entertainment culture, this is indeed an odd activity.  One must learn the discipline of setting aside self to join with the multitude in prayer, confession, praise, and adoration.  It is only through practicing this discipline together that we all discover the delight to be found within it.

Make the commitment to sit with your family in worship regularly.  Even if such a family commitment leads to whining and a rolling of the eyes.  Don't forget, we were all whining, eye-rolling teens at one time.  It is part of the job description of parents to help our children make healthy choices until they can develop these healthy patterns for themselves. Worshiping together is one of the disciplines that will indeed lead to long term spiritual health and growth.

New Narrative - Mission Experiences

There is only one spot remaining for the Middle School trip

Several weeks ago, I wrote a blog entitled "New Narrative - Positive Risk Taking" (if interested, you can read it by clicking on the title). The point of the post is the felt and real need for risk taking in the lives of teens, and how we might provide positive avenues for that risk taking. One idea that was mentioned in the post was service or mission experiences.



Why should we consider encouraging our young people to participate in such mission experiences?

We provide such experiences for the youth of Second Presbyterian Church for several reasons. We believe these mission trips are unique and give our youth the opportunity to...

 (1) become "other" focused,
 (2) give of themselves and their faith to help those in need,
 (3) further expand their world and world-view,
 (4) interact with our brothers and sisters in diverse communities and their rich cultural heritage,
 (5) practice positive risk taking,
 (6) learn new skills,
 (7) see the effectiveness of a body of believers who work together toward a common goal,
 (8) stretch their faith,
 (9) strengthen their personal relationships with Christ, and
(10) gain a better understanding of what it means to be a world Christian.

Week 1 has room; Week 2 is full with a waiting list.

It is our long term goal that students gain an understanding how they can live out their faith through service within  their everyday surroundings.  They do not have to go some place exotic or expensive to serve.  There are countless opportunities right next door.


Short summer mission trips are transformative experiences for the youth of our congregation as well as their adult advisers.  It is a privilege to witness God's work firsthand.

There are still a few spaces for this year's mission trips (week 2 of the high school trip is currently full with a waiting list).  Click on one of the images above to be taken to the information and registration page.  All of the trips will fill up completely.  We want your young person to be a part of these experiences.  Please sign them up NOW.

Trips such as these are a part of living into a New Narrative of hope, peace, and justice.

New Narrative - Worship

We are rapidly approaching Easter Sunday.
It is the season when our world and our minds begin pointing toward resurrection, rebirth, and new life.

The daffodil have bloomed, the magnolia have blossomed, and the trees are beginning to green.

The church has been moving through the forty day desert of Lent growing ever closer to Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

This is a tremendous season to turn our hearts toward the spiritual disciplines.  The center of our lives as Christians is the discipline of worship. The next few posts will have worship as their focus.

A lot has been written about worship throughout the last several years. Much of the discussion has focused on questions of style and methodology. It is easy to grow weary of this discussion because there are faithful people with diverse and often divergent opinions about the how, the when, and the where of worship. Adding to this discussion would simply be stacking someone else's opinion and convictions on top of an already insanely high stack. Therefore, these posts will avoid adding another voice to the confusion. We will instead turn our attention to the discipline itself.

In the Book of Order, Christian worship is described as follows,
               Christian worship joyfully ascribes all praise and honor, glory and power to the triune God.

            In worship the people of God acknowledge God present in the world and in their lives. As

            they respond to God’s claim and redemptive action in Jesus Christ, believers are transformed

            and renewed. In worship the faithful offer themselves to God and are equipped for God’s

            service in the world. (W-1.1001)

Worship is our central act as faithful people.  It is what we are to be about. There is nothing more important that we could be doing with our time and energy than offering ourselves, our lives, our gifts to the One who in Christ gave and continues to give us all things. It is in our worship that we offer our grateful response to what God has done, is doing, and will continue to do. As the central response of faith, worship reminds us of where all praise, honor, glory, and power rightly belong. In worship, we are challenged and equipped to serve the triune God in word and deed.

Christian worship is a discipline. It is not something that we are necessarily drawn toward naturally. It is something that takes time, effort, and commitment to develop. I encourage you in these last two weeks of Lent to find a time to worship together as a family (however your family may be assembled). Worshiping together has the power to transform the manner in which you talk about faith and life. Worship truly gives us a new narrative into which we can live.

Second Presbyterian Church offers several worship times throughout the next several days for you to practice your worship discipline.

March 28 - Wednesday Evening Prayers, 6-6:25 p.m.

April 1 - Palm Sunday Worship - 8:15, 9:30 and 11 a.m., Families@Five at 5 p.m. & Second@Six at 6 p.m.

April 1 - Service of Holy Communion and Wholeness - 10:35 every Sunday

April 5 - Tenebrae Communion Service - 8:00 p.m. At this service of shadows, we share the Last Supper and hear the story of the last hours of the life of Jesus. The service ends in darkness.
April 6 - Good Friday Worship Services - Noon to 3 p.m., with meditations in the chapel on the Seven Last Words of Christ. Please feel free to come and go as you are able. This service features a string quartet performing The Seven Last Words of Christ by Franz Joseph Haydn.

April 8 - Easter Sunday - Morning Worship Services: Worship Services in the Sanctuary at 8, 9:30 and 11:15 a.m. Music at these services will feature special music with Sanctuary Choir, Festival Brass, organ and percussion. Evening Worship Services: Families@Five at 5 p.m.; and Second@Six Communion Service at 6 p.m.

Make these last two weeks of Lent a time for you and your family to begin or add something to your discipline of worship.

New Narrative - Praying Life Together

One of my friends and colleagues in ministry once said, "One of the most powerful things for a child's faith development is for them to see their parents praying."

I wholeheartedly agree. I would only add to it by saying that it is even more powerful when children and their parent(s) pray together.

One of the recurring memories of my childhood is evening prayer time with my parents. Every evening, we would gather in one of the bedrooms (I have an older brother and an older sister) to pray together. The prayers were often simple and rather quick, but they always happened. And I couldn't go to sleep without them. Every night, our prayers would end with us reciting the Lord's Prayer together. This continued all the way through my teenage years. And this evening discipline continues on into my family to this day.

More important than the actual evening ritual of praying together is the discipline of praying life together as a family. Consider what might happen as a family prays together.
Each one hears the concerns of the other.
Each family member has the opportunity to be thankful for the ones praying with them.
Each child and their parents has the chance to speak the prayer requests and concerns of the other.

Each one is reminded that prayer is not just something we do by ourselves and for ourselves - prayer is a communal exercise.

Take the opportunity during Lent to pray together as a family. Perhaps you already do this and can try some new prayer exercises together. Or maybe you have fallen out of the habit of praying together, and this can be a season to experiment with prayer together as a family.

Here are some simple prayer exercises you might try together:

• Create a prayer space in your house or yard where you can gather as a family on a regular basis to pray together. You don't have to do any redecorating or reorganizing. Simply think through your home and what space might be most conducive to prayer together.
• Place a prayer jar in the kitchen with small strips of paper and a pen beside it. Encourage family members to write down their prayers and joys once a day or once a week and place them in the jar. Then someone can retrieve the jar and its contents before breakfast or dinner and the family can pray the requests together.
• Write one another a note once a week that contains your prayer concerns and joys. Trade them with family members so that you might be praying for each other throughout the week.
• Ask your child(ren) for their ideas about praying together as a family. They will come up with the most creative approaches to this important faith discipline. 
• HAVE FUN! Remember, all things can be and should be prayer - our work, our play, our lives.

Praying life together can indeed be a new narrative full of compassion, empathy, concern and shared joy with one another.

Throughout the next several weeks, we will be looking at integrating some of the disciplines into our family life together and how these might shape the New Narrative into which we can live. 

New Narrative - Ashes, Dust, and Mortality

Wednesday, February 22 was Ash Wednesday. Many of us gathered in the sanctuary at Second Presbyterian Church, and churches around the world, to hear the Word of God proclaimed, to partake in the sacrament of the Lord's Supper, and to be marked on our foreheads with ashes. 

It is a strangely wonderful sight to see pilgrims of all ages, sizes, and hues waiting in line to receive the mark of the cross in ash and to be reminded of their frailty and mortality. The minister drags her thumb through the ashes, looks each person in the eye as she gently traces the cross on their forehead, and says, "Remember, that from dust you were formed; to dust you shall return."

Yes, what a strangely wonderful site.

This message is a message of truth and a dose of reality we all need to hear and experience. This is especially true in a time when we spend so much energy, imagination, and money trying to convince ourselves that it just isn't so. If we work hard enough, if we pay enough money, if we do all the right things we will never have to face the fact that we are indeed frail, broken, and mortal. This is the message we are tempted to buy into so we don't have to face the truth.

In Lent, we are called to remember the truth of our mortality and take comfort in the fact that in the midst of the reality of our lives, in the midst of our deserts, God is present. God calls us, through the Christ, to accept our mortality not as a curse, but as a blessing of who we are created to be. It is in the desert of Lent that we are reminded that it is God who sustains life. It is in the wilderness that we discover that the things to which we are tempted to cling so tightly are only temporal treasures. It is during these long 40 days that we can find joy in the treasures that are eternal "where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal" (Matthew 6:20).

This Ash Wednesday, a family stood in line to receive the reminder on their foreheads in the form of an ashen cross like so many others. However, this family was different. What made this family stand out from the many others standing with them was the child they held in their arms. This mother and father came to not only to be marked but to present their six month old child to have the ashes placed on her forehead. This beautiful young life had the truth of her own mortality whispered into her ears and rubbed on her pink skin.

It was a powerful scene. It was an overwhelming a reminder that it is never too early to be reminded of the truth of the fragility of life and the sustaining power and presence of God.

Take the opportunity during this season of Lent to have these conversations with your young person. Talk about the fragility of life. Talk about human frailty and brokenness. Talk about the sustaining power of Christ in the midst of the reality of life. Talk about this truly counter cutlural message of the desert of life and the journey toward the cross. This is a new narrative. Discover together the beauty of this 40 day journey.

May this Lenten Season be a journey of faith for you and your family.

New Narrative - The Art of Being

In our culture, we have mastered the art of doing.

Just look at our schedules. They are overflowing with things we need to do...
Pick up the laundry;
Go to the store;

Clean the mud room;

Meet with so and so;

Do such and such.

The list seems to go on and on. And we meet ourselves coming and going.

The lives of our children are much the same...

Study for the test;

Pick up my room;

Go to the gym;

Read for English;

Meet so and so;

Do such and such.

Schedules and agendas are a part of life. They are necessary. They keep us organized and focused.

The struggle is when our schedules begin to crowd out living our lives.
The problem is when doing gets in the way of being.

When we go on retreats with students from Second Presbyterian Church, we always build "free time" into the schedule. Every retreat several students approach one of the adult leaders and ask, "What are we supposed to do now?"
We are often greeted with a blank stare when we respond, "Go, have free time. Be with one another. Do whatever you want."
The young people have become so adept at doing that they have forgotten how to be. The same can be said for many of us (present company included).

So, here is a challenge. Sometime this month, plan a day or half of a day when you can just "be" together.
No plans.
No schedule.
No agenda.
Just be.

Practicing the Art of Being is a New Narrative in a world that is so concerned and consumed with "doing."

Have fun discovering what it means to "be" together.

New Narrative - Positive Risk Taking

Part of being a teenager is taking risks.

Risk taking gives an adrenaline rush.

Risk taking is a way of testing limits.

Risk taking can help teens discover who they are.

Often the risks are rather innocuous...

Trying a new food or learning a new instrument.

Signing up to participate in the local talent show.

Asking out that guy/girl to whom you always thought you would never have the courage to speak.

Other times, the risks are indeed "risky" behavior that can prove to be very dangerous and perhaps even life altering...
Taking your hands off of the wheel while driving at a high rate of speed.
Putting the pair of socks in your backpack without paying for them.
Saying yes "just this once" to that which you had always turned down.

Part of being a teenager is taking risks. Young people may believe that risk taking is a necessary part of growing up.  They may feel as though risk taking is the only way to really feel alive.

As parents and mentors, we can provide the opportunity for our children to take "positive risks" that can feed the desire, the felt need, to take risks. These truly can be alternatives to the negative and potentially life altering risks that young people often are tempted take.

Positive Risk Taking -
Take a mystery trip...
Allow your children to plan a family vacation (within given parameters - budget, distance, time, etc.)...
Go to a high ropes challenge course or fly on a zipline together (there are several of both in the state)...
Volunteer at the zoo or a local animal shelter...
Read stories or the newspaper to nursing home residents...

Serve lunch at Wheeler or Lighthouse Mission...

Become regulars at an after school program for at risk children...

Plan a family mission trip (you don't have to go far or spend a lot of money - call us; we have plenty of ideas)...

These may not completely eliminate the pull toward truly risky behavior. However, these positive risks can provide a healthy alternative and most definitely will create lasting family memories.

Have fun taking risks together.

New Narrative - Sharing Stories

One of the things I love the most about my family is the way in which we share stories. Jennifer, Rory, Sheri, my mother and I can sit around for hours telling the same old stories over again and again.

Story telling is how we honor the legacies of those who have gone before us.

Story telling is how we learn more about our heritage.
Story telling is how we discover who we are.

I often hear people say that they are afraid to talk to much about their past or their family's history because they are afraid it will color the present or the future too much. There is a fear that somehow sharing these stories will inflict or infect our children and give them all of the wrong ideas. However, nothing could be further from the truth.

We must have the courage to tell the stories...

These stories can help inform us about our past.

These stories can help us figure out our own identity.

These stories can serve as cautionary tales of paths to avoid along the way.

These stories can serve as encouragement about how to overcome adversity.

I believe that stories are one of the best ways to create a new narrative that is rich and full of hope. They are an invaluable piece of life, and we must have the courage to share our stories with one another.

So, tonight, this weekend, sometime in the near future, when your family is gathered together, take the opportunity to say...

"Have I ever told you about this one time when..."

Even if you have told the story before, tell it again. In so doing, you are helping to create a new narrative.

Happy storytelling!

New Narrative - Three Things

In the quest to provide a new narrative for our children, I believe there are three things we can constantly speak into their lives no matter where we find ourselves or what our family circumstance might be. These three things may appear rather simple on the surface. However, they can prove to be a lifeline to a young person who is struggling with their personhood and the negative narratives that play over and over in their ears and mind.

1. "I believe in you." This is not only a statement of confidence in the person who is standing in front of you, it is also a statement about who that person is becoming. Saying this is not saying anything about someone's behavior or the quality of their choices. "I believe in you" can be spoken regardless of the circumstance. This is a statement about personhood. "I believe in the who you are." It is also a call for the one to whom you are speaking to accept the challenge to live into the person you see them to be.

2. "I trust you." At times, this is a more difficult phrase to speak. This is especially true when trust has been broken or a violation has taken place. However, if we can once again speak more into personhood rather than actions, our trust means more than "I trust that you will make the right choice." In this instance, "I trust you" is about trusting someone with their own being. Again, this is not about the approval or disapproval of behavior. We all must face and handle negative behavior and poor choices as each circumstance merits. The "I trust you" statement is an in spite of statement. Young people need to hear that they are trusted with their own personhood. Ultimately, they are responsible for the person they are going to become. The "I trust you" statement is telling a young person that you believe that they can indeed be trusted with the becoming.

3. "I love you." We all need to be reminded that we are loved no matter what. In my experience working with students, I can tell you that there are times when nearly every young person wonders if they are indeed worthy of love. It is critical that we remind the young people in our lives that they are indeed loved. They need to know that the love of which we speak is not tied to performance or ability. The love of which we are speaking is a covenental love - a love that is committed to the person and our relationship with them. Young people need to know that a love like this is not going anywhere. Their bad choices, the consequences of those choices, their faults and foibles will not change the fact that they are loved.

These three things can be formative and transformative in the lives of the young people with whom we interact. Remind the young people in your life of these three things as often as you can. In so doing, these three things can become a part of the new narrative that plays over and over in the ears and minds of our children.

Three things will always be true...
I believe in you
I trust you.
I love you.

New Narrative - The Courage to Persevere

I love Christmas music. I love to sing along loudly in the car, in my home or even occasionally in the aisles of Target (yes, I really do it!). The music brings back so many fun memories of Christmases past - family, friends, gifts, reunions, lights, decorations, etc.

One of the memories that often comes flooding into my mind is of singing in our high school's annual Christmas Extravaganza concert. Christmas Ex, as it was lovingly called, was the big winter concert in which every singing group in our school participated. It was a ton of fun to learn the holiday music and put together such a wonderful holiday show for our small community. One of the best things about this show was participating in Choral Union. Choral Union was a combined choir of all of the choral students (literally hundreds) gathered to sing two or three holiday songs together at the close of the show. As someone who sang bass in high school, two Choral Union pieces stand out in my mind - "Carol of the Bells" and "Little Drummer Boy". The bass part is distinct in both pieces. In "Carol of the Bells" the basses get to do some fun stuff along the way. In "Little Drummer Boy" the bass line is monotonous and perpetual. Both were fun, and I remember the bass part even to this day.

As a part of the whole the basses are generally not recognized. Because of this, singing bass can often be thankless and somewhat tiring. However, if the basses were to be removed from either piece mentioned above, the song would not be the same. It would not be complete because its foundation would be missing.

Speaking a new narrative into the lives of the young people in your life is much like singing bass in the choir. It often goes unnoticed and can be rather monotonous and somewhat tiring. However, if this bass line were to be removed or was missing from the lives of young people altogether, everything else would be at risk of collapsing in upon itself. Speaking a new narrative takes the courage to persevere even when it seems as though the battle is futile or all but lost.

My brother had an incredibly difficult time in his late teens and early twenties. It would not be an overstatement to say that my family almost lost him more than once during those years. Years later, we were having a conversation with my parents and I remember him telling them, "If it weren't for the fact that I knew my family loved me, I would not be here today. I would have given up. I can't tell you how much it meant and still means to me that I am loved." My parents fought long and hard to continue to speak a new narrative into my brother's life in spite of the surrounding circumstances. They often did not approve of his behavior or decisions, but they always let him know that he was loved - no matter what.

The new narrative cannot take a break any more than the basses can decide to take a portion of a song off. This new narrative is the foundation upon which the beautiful song of a life can be built. It is worth the struggle to persevere.

Know that you are not alone. Find other parents who are also committed to speaking a new narrative into the lives of young people. Band with them. Support one another. Encourage the effort extended. Persevere.

Our young people need us to continue to lay down the foundation of love and acceptance upon which the song of their life can soar.

New Narrative - The Power of Words

Remember the old adage,
Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But words
Will never hurt me

It is a lie. It is a bold faced lie, and we all know it.

Words have the power to not only injure, but also to destroy. These words that have such destructive power are a part of the negative narrative that many young people hear each and every day.

The good news is that words also have the power to heal, and also to build. Simple words have such incredible power. Words such as these are a part of the new narrative which we can begin to speak into the lives of the young people with whom we live.

After we have taken the time and energy to create a safe space for our children to genuinely be themselves (see New Narrative - Voices and Images), new words - a new narrative - can be spoken into the space. Be aware, this new space is fragile. It is a space that must be honored and handled with care. It is a space that is open to the possibility of something new. Into this wonderful space, into the life of the young person, speak genuine words of hope and promise. How? You can begin by saying something like...
"Do you want to know what I love about you..."
"When I look at you I see..."
"You know what I think are some of your most amazing qualities..."

Be genuine.

Speak directly.

Speak honestly.

Tell them why you think the things you think about them. These words are a part of the new narrative. By speaking new words into their life, you are helping them to see that which is wonderful about them. You are changing the words they hear and clearing their eyes to be able to see something new - to hear and see a new narrative into which they can live.

Next week - New Narrative - The Courage to Persevere.